I had known it, since then, but is my head is just really hard to understand or is i'm just inlove...

When i knew that he have someone, my reaction is just "ah, ok.."
I am wondering why i haven't felt any feeling at all, taking the consideration that i think of him almost everyday from the last time we'd met. I sometimes don't understand what is happining with me. Why i can't feel pain. Maybe because i'm not really in love or i was just become accustomed with feeling hurt since...

I was hurt before and it was great, i love it, and now that i want to feel it again, why now can't....

Sexual Integrity

I choose you before I give you life.(Jer.1:15)

Yesterday we have our sympossium about sexual integrity. I was so enlightened and was so thankful about the moment God had given me.

The truth is painful and sad. Sad to say that we are distractor of our own human race. Personally, I am an advocate of free choice, an advocate of contraception, but its then just the other day, not today and in the coming days. I was awaken by God's word that I had known very long time ago, I hear, I forget, I see, I remember and I do only then I understand. I heard about it, i had seen what is happening, and now I signed up. I, with millions of voices, youth of today and youth of the future and those who are not yet unborn is aiming for responsible parenthood in accordance with God's word. Against abortion, against contraception, against free choice.

You may ask, what then of having life if we cannot do what we want, if we don't have the freedom. I tell you freedom is when we are in God's words, when there's no concience that saying it's wrong, it's bad. We are created in the image of God, and we are all equal in God's eyes. Why then of being ungracious, why then of stealing and contrasting life, where in the first place God only want us to be His co-creator, not as co-distractor of evil?

I want also to pinpoint some related issues like premarital sex, pornography, masturbation, homosexual acts, polygamy among Christians and I think a lot more I can't name. Sexuality is a gift, a sacred gift, that is giving and sharing of love to one another, like a father to his daugther and son, a mother to her children, sister to her brother or a man to a woman. Those relationship mirrors sexuality. Now, centering only to what i mean by sexuality, sacred. I s premarital sex sacred? pornography? etc. ? Is masturbation a sharing of love? It's selfishness, isn't it? Is homosexual acts compliment with God's words? and so with polygamy? Now if you answers no, why then a lot of christian is into those kinds of acts. Why is it that there are about two million life killed everyday because of contraceptions? Obviously also among married couple, haven't you or they think that once they are into sex, its a sacred gift of being a co-creator like just our God? That what a mother would be doing is to implant life, the most beautiful gift into her womb. By using contraception, what you implant is the devil into thy womb. Be awakened, lets stop the generation of holucaust, the greatest history of killings....

"Be careful for what you wish for it might come true"

I had seen him, he congratulate me rather than i should have done that(maybe because i was speechless). He spread his hand to get my hand, and have a hand shake... Maybe things were still are. I was surprised of how i miss him, of how my heart beat faster, and feeling my blood rise and warms my body...It's so nice to see his smile again, which i do, and obviously like so much about him...Its maybe a long time ago and i forgot him in a way, that once he's the one i'm thinking, that i'm really crazy for him...It's not the way thing s are going today, maybe i'm more matured in terms to that. His wish had come true, and he really deserved for it. His one of the nicest guy i'd known.

Someday i'm wishing our roads will cross again, that i can still see those smiles as a friend i used to be...
I wish that i can say congratulations by then for my self, rather than of him doing it for me just like of what he'ddone ...that i would spread my hand and will hold his hand, and on that day i will not put it back anymore(joke)...I still like him....

once is enough

all persons deserved for second chance but sometimes a second chance will break us down. Once a person will break somebodies heart, that somebody will not be anymore the person you think you'd known but a total stranger. wound may heal and scars may disappear but you can't turn back with the time that once you make somebody cry. that's the pain of this life, doing things can only happpened once, tomorrow would be different, more painful is when tomorrow would not come and all you have was yesterday, when you have then still the chance. then i rather not to do things or bound my self with situations that i know and hoping with wisdom, would break my heart, and my soul. i have my choise, then why should i'll let my self be tangled by engaging myself with pleasures that i know i have no win in the end. Life have all th chances and why ask for a second if you can try the best for even with the first time. then i'll not turn my head back just ot have regret, if just today is all i 'll get...

I Remember You But I wonder why

I saw a bird
It sours high
I know I can't catch that bird
And never can I sour the sky.

Then I saw you
So close
But why can't I hold you
Why seems so far?

The bird gone
And so you do
When the bird came back
You never do
I wonder why....

For you

This is a poem for you, my someone whom i have think a thousand times
whose seductive and tantalizing eyes
have stoled my innocent heart.
This is for your sweet smile and tender voice
your smart jokes and hearable stories
that clings my mind untill these days.
this is for all the times when you
keep your worries in your own
when i'm afraid and failed to reach out.
and this is for your understanding and open heart,
that makes our friendship still alive,
putting the consideration that i become a fool
and thus you can't offer more in return,
staying as a man of just and respect
your charming image overflows you.
this is for your love and care,
keeping you my friend forever.
This is a poem for you,
my sweet, handsome someone,
because your always be in my heart 'till the end...

iTS MY day

How could i thank you? you had blessed me so much! I sometimes wonder, wnat had i done to deserve all these? From simple things to complicated one. Through my ups and down, even in my weaknesses and feeling alone. My Lord You never get tired. I felt so wealthy, I felt so loved, I'm blessed! I can't help not to cry when You fed me of cares. I'm afraid my Lord, give me strength, give me faith. I'm afraid of Your love for me, for You had blessed me, for You had enlightened me, for You had chosen me. My Lord just teach me the way, just continue to guide and strengthen me. With YOu nothing to be afraid of, with You I'm secured. I trust in You. Amen...

dream big for dreaming is for free...

i have lots of dreams but what would matter first is to believe in your self that you can achieve those dreams. life is so fun, and you don't have to make things so complecated. just do things at its fullest and i know youll get your price at the end...

religion class

first day of first semester for my catechetical mission!! it ended so fine, we just have a game, know some kid, thought them a jolly song and give my main topic for the rest of our meetings. New faces, new names, new friends.... I'm so happy that God give me this oppurtunity, give me this vacant time...i enjoy so much the company of this young children especially when i share to them God's love....i'm happy that they will learn from me....

What is Life?

We are living today because we have life. What is life by then? As I deeply think of it, and write what I think is life, I found the most answer in the end...

Life is not what you have, i'ts what you give. It's not to be loved but it's to love. I'ts not like yesterday and it would never be like tomorrow, for life is what lies today. It's like a river that flow but never came to the sea. It is nothingness but a kind that exist. Life is complicated but the most easy thing in this world because what life is, is Jesus Christ, Himself...

Trust that Matters

It is trust that matters. It's trust that makes two persons stay. Trust within theirselves, trust to the love the feel. Trust that they would stay 'till the end, to the love they felt yesterday, feel today, to be feel tomorrow and eternally. Trust that no one else. Trust for the love they shared. Trust alone stand the rest of their lifetime.... Trust is all I need...

The Greatest Power

Life is all about choices, all about decisions. This world offers millions of things to choose upon.

It's a choise to love and to love to whom? Love will takes its way by the help of your feet, and with your mind your heart can feel. It's us who decides to fall in love or not, for we are the master of our own feelings, of our own emotions.

To be happy or sad, to die or to live, and millions of this and that. Yes, its all within us, we are born not to be free but we are born free. It lies in us since the beginning, since our first cry. We have this greatest power, to choose about life.

Takes time to realize

Sometimes it takes time to realize things that good life brings, to know you don't have to feel insecure and alone, that you are a unique person, blessed like any other human beings, was love and to love 'till the end.

Do it sound the same with the title of a song? Now you made it realize; Yes, it really takes time to realize something, and somtimes we are running out of time. The candle that we had lit with fire is burning without us noticing. Then, though hard to admitt, it's so late. Realize it now, you're lucky for reading this. Don't take time, God loves you and so do I.

He is Dead

I don't understand my self why i hadn't felt any pain. Maybe because, i psyche it then in the first place, that sooner or later he would end up his life. It's fear for him, he know it's nearer and knows the cause for his soon death. That is life, he just gone first. I understand now how much he love his wife and his daughter. Untill the last time we met in the hospital which is just coincidentaly for my father also admitted, i haven't ask the question why he keep it a secret or did he treat me as his friend in the first place?, its harder to believe he is married and have a daughter rather on he had died. Funny, but i always treated him as one of the good friends i've known...i had shared time with him more than any guy friend i'd known. but life is like that, i'm thankful that i learned so much from him, that he become part of my life...Mcvonn thankyou so much.......

Hello again,

Life is still going on, i'm happy that i'm in the right track. i need to study my lessons, we'll going to have the finals. Holy week is coming, and i want to go home, i miss my parents and my sister and brothers, its already three weeks i hadn't go home. My dear country is of crisis, in commodeties, politics, of everything. I wish i'll be the president. hehehe...

well How is life, Love life, city life, more "exciting everyday" i guese so. what is the use of living in this beautifull Earth if you don't enjoy it? ten years from now, i'll gonna be 29! wow!! i think i had accomplish by that time half of my dreams, i'll be a woman of wisdom and love. successful and full of energy to face the world. i don't know if in that time, i have someone special, how i wish there is. yesterday I found the two sisters in school, they knew me more than i knew them,maybe. they invite me to join them in going to Cotabato, how i wish i can, but i have my exam. so how is it related ten years from now? i want to become a missionary, not a nun, a kind that will go anywhere where you can experience God. I mean a place that is far from the people you know. I want to help people living in poverty, i want to help them how to enjoy life... ten years from now i want to be there in Europe, United states, how is it i want also to enjoy life to go wherever i want but i also want to serve other people in my own little ways... but i think wherever i am ten years from now, i am happy, as i am happy right now, cause i am with God. How i wish people would know how good is life if just they know where it from and know how to thank. Ten years from now, life is more exciting, more beautifull, more colorful. i'm, happy because i now know how to make my self relax, of not telling a lie(still trying, white lie maybe), i'm happy because i enjoy the company of others. i'm happy because i have many friends i ever imagined. i'm happy because my family is going well, i'm happy because i can control my temper. i'm happy because i can deal with everything. i know it will last untill i'll die.... happy thoughts, happy memories, sad moments, pressure times, all of those i give thanks, all of those contributes to what i felt now....

nothing

A busy week, well, maybe because i managed to go to school, to go to the hospital where my father is, to go to church, to do my papers, and so on and so forth. Many things happened to me. My catechesis ended, i will missed those cute pupils. I read a book of essays, and many more. I'm happy that i'm still going on with God in my heart. I believe that i can be as knowledgeable as somebody i know, more hardworking, more beautiful if just i will make it happen. it's just be about days, graduation is coming, someone i know is very busy, i dreamt about him sometimes and i know i like him, more than anybody else. what else cauld i say, the other guy is roommate of my father. i felt pity for him, he would also be graduating but his there, with just a dialysis machine protecting his life. enough, the bell is ringing....

life today

It seems that i am loved so much. and i am as the matter of fact. the one who love me so much is the Almighty God. no argument for that. I am so blessed, i know, then what is the matter? A love from someone? Maybe! Someone who will say to you you're his best friend, that be there whenever you needed. Ahmmm, maybe!. though i know that there's a right time for that, but i need just someone to be call best friend. to be there to care for you without return, without intention. God will give me the right one, if that's His will someday, somehow, it will just come, if not i can find one!...

I wake up at about 5:30 in the morning. Then cook my food, take a bathed, dressed, ate breakfast, and so many routine. My class will start at 9:00 but i went out on our backyard at 7:30 for I have my Religion class and I am the teacher. I arrived late!gosh, sorry sister. My students were in their room already. When they saw me, they yell, shouting my name and clapping their hands(like a hallowood actress marching at the red carpet). They are grade four pupils, section one of Dadiangas heights Elementary School. With them I feel like a real teacher.

I voluntered my self to teach the children because I want to share what i'd learned. But I discovered what is really my purpose. I decided to be one because I want to know who really i am. That I want to share my time and care and love because I want also somebody to care, to love, to share their time with me. And so I find and feel those things, more than I expected. With those children I experienced the great love of God, to belong, to be one. I can see in them the reality, the real feelings, real emotions, a real person.

I am always true to them, and I'm always be. Being a catechist is a choise to be proud of, that I'll treasure forever.

My someone special

You are a rain that once nourished a weak plant. You make it strong, flood it with nutrients. Your voice is a thunder, make me burst with surprise. Though you don't noticed it, its no matter for me. What matters for me is to see you smiling, for it shines my life. Yet you are like a ball of fire, i don't dare to touch, afraid that you would melt me down.

You are a bird, souring high. You are far from my reach. Now you are a thorn in my heart, watching you disappear just like a buble in my hands.

For me, wherever you are, no matter this feeling is, you make me a better one. You'll always be a precious gem of my life.

My tears fall, I can't resist
You speak to me, I feel it
I cried for joy, for I'm blessed
My heart renewed, I'm so delighted

I'm weak, yet you give me strength
I was sinned, YOU give me forgiveness
I'm so thankful that You call me Your own

Oh God, there's no other hope I can lean Upon
I found in You the happiness I'm seeking
I found in You the peace I wanted
I found in You the trueth, the new life.

I wasted lots of time for sin,
But now, I'm free, I'm with You
YOU give me new world
A world that shine even in darkness

Your holy Oh Lord God
And let Your servant become like YOU
Melt me and mold me oh Lord
Wash away the fear in my heart
Strengthened my FAITh.