VOLUNTERISM

volunteerism, what a word! for the past three weeks after the graduation i was indeed to be a volunteer...indeed, it was so wonderful, the totality of the experience is so wonderful, oh my, did i mention it twice, it was really then...learning, fun, worries, sadness, and of course love, etc. its really once in a lifetime. i never regret it....even it ended in frustrations...its the great lesson of life anyway, life must go on...leaving those things behind, if they will come again, if they will to show up again, if there's a reunion among us, among those people i been with, then let it be...after all it would just be just right., when or how, i just don't know....the love i had felt is just something that ended, for me at least i was able to experience... life really is so magnificent, just like the lovely sea in that place, just like the wave i used to play with....just like the stars and the moon whatever its shape....the coconut trees, with its shadow caused by the moon and stars on a clear night....the highway clear of vehicles where we walk in a late night....the laughter, the shouting of new friends along the shore...indeed its really great, three weeks seems so much but also seems not enough....in the end, ending up so sad, saying farewells, saying will see each other again, may not be too soon but hoping just near....i love the sea,,, i love the wind, i love the cold, i will miss those place,,,,but we were there because of the spirit of volunteerism...sacrificing as they said, working without pay...but i love that one....if i have just enough then i will end up this life for free service...its so sad, for people in that place didn't able to see the goodness behind our sacrifices...they turned and grasp the money the money that would make them sacrifice for the next three years or the worst of their lifetime....its hard to judge them, and its really not good enough but those people had make us feel how low they are,,,,i pity them...anyways, volunteerism, its hard to pity them,, were not rich, nor even have just money, my family is being piled by debts...and as i come back home...i know they need me not to be a volunteer but a woman who can help them, with food, with expenses.... a woman with pay...i'm afraid its so late, and too late...but i know it would never will be that too late...everything has the chance and everypthing happens with the right time and with purpose...only God knows how i feel when i'm seeing my family....we were happy, but its not enough, i have my dreams...volunteerism, its hardest word but its the best one....volunteerism....i want to be one of the blessed enough....

night before graduation

hi, after a long time, and after five years here i am, ready for the graduation day.....

Did they say i'm boring

they doesn't know me either, to say you are a successful person you can say to your self you are, and that others can also tell you, you are. its like eating an ice cream, the cream is what you are thinking about yourself while the cone is what others is thinking of you, it should go together, for how can you eat an ice cream on a cone without a cone?

maybe what i can do now is that to relate with others, to be more fun about them, and to be more friendly,,,its so easy like that but sometimes, what you really is, is something that sticking in your system, you can't erase. sometimes i'm wishing to be at other place, yet i think wherever i may be, who's me will forever be the who's me, though striving to be more better.

another year

lately i was absent minded, lately i use to mislead things, and lately i am so careless, reckless, and that everything. but still i should have to do the best that i could, for my self, for others and most important to give Glory to my Lord....Everyday seems a struggle to be perfect, to be good for sometimes though how best we try it is still no good...it just a matter i think of trying and trying....and trying.

four days had pass for this year. i started this year of so much fun, of energy and reaching out...
organizing the youth had made me realize that there is a lot of things to do, not for my self but for others who needed guidance, understanding and love....that was our first official Youth day celebration. we gathered funds, though some is just cooperating but it turned out to be successful. We have caroling, fund raising(buy a Number from 1-200 for five pesos and the winner will get 300 pesos - the lucky # for that raffle was 101) and registration of 10 pesos for those who want to join(Not compulsory). all in all, we gather more or less 1, 500 pesos just right for the bihon and bread with juice and prices for the parlor games and machu gay. it's really fun.

the main event for that day was the machu gay wherein five guys had joined whom where convinced till the last minute....everything where provided( the one contestant ramp on stage without a sandal and when ask why he joined he answered to buy slippers). i was one of the judges and everything goes perfect they received a cash not lesser that 25 pesos(can't even pay for a slipper). the guy host for that event was really funny. Dec. 31 morning he wears t-shirt and a short, in the evening i saw him in the neighborhood so drunk, Jan 1 morning i ask him to be the host for the night event, and he wears still the same, noon time the dress was that the same dress. the event supposedly would start at 3:00 but it begins at 5:00, he still have the same dress, i just ask him to take a bath and join us by then. before taking the microphone he ask for a bottle of a hard drink, just to keep him not shy....and on stage the viewer keeps on laughing once he speak....i think i made the right decision.

the event ended at about 10:00 pm, the youth still want a disco, but they decided not to because there is a vigil in the house in front of the stage(someone died at the night before new year, a new neighbor.)

next year i'm hoping it would be of more fun and more cooperation from the youth......

the heart that speak

how could someone be talking with
an angel of face
a Leon when speak
really a smart guy
but sometimes want a scene
not tuning with the sense

when he's angry it made me laugh
and i can't help my self
but to smile
but to say hi
and to friend this guy

He's really a cute guy
and he's nice
i understand the way he is
i understand mine
now i want to cry,
I don't think he would understand...

Nothing special

you could ask many things of God at night when the sky glistend by stars. you could wonder through and swim deeper the secret of your wide sea and get the hidden treasure of the mind as God knowes tall and made the things of the Earth. it was a world as puzzled as maze, but as clear as the Creator made it.

in a thought it was useless. when the memory recalls over it and the mind recieved it in open hole, it was the way the fortune must have been when the day had gone and the night of loneliness had falen on cretures still cannot go on with the things of the past. it was an empty world because no person had yet replaced bricks to build a home or tied the heart to make a bond or picked the pieces of lonesome heart in the shadow of time. but its not a fair world. it held the thought and aches of past and withdrawn not inside the heart.

you were alone when you asked and wondered, no one cared. this is so wherever you are if it is night and the stars glisten in a distance made from the Earth. what you ask has no ready answers but your own, and what you feel is nothing except to yourself. the world is there, and you are here and these are the only pole, the only realities.

you asks, but who answers? you're in pain but who cares. is it someone you know? and do they says would mend this heart or pick the broken pieces? think of this questions, put your hand on your pocket and stare at the night sky and the greetings of its every twinkle. the questions are your questions too.

noise on silence

it had just few moment after dawn
the eyes had just accustomed with the dark
there's light even without moon

i could hear the nightly insects
seemed like competing who would be the noisest
and i could feel the cold breeze on my skin

i talked about my concerns a lot of it
they listened
i knew that i've been so harsh

thanks for the night
they didn't see the tears, falling like rain drops
but God it was hard to breath
i had felt my throught ache so much.