VOLUNTERISM

volunteerism, what a word! for the past three weeks after the graduation i was indeed to be a volunteer...indeed, it was so wonderful, the totality of the experience is so wonderful, oh my, did i mention it twice, it was really then...learning, fun, worries, sadness, and of course love, etc. its really once in a lifetime. i never regret it....even it ended in frustrations...its the great lesson of life anyway, life must go on...leaving those things behind, if they will come again, if they will to show up again, if there's a reunion among us, among those people i been with, then let it be...after all it would just be just right., when or how, i just don't know....the love i had felt is just something that ended, for me at least i was able to experience... life really is so magnificent, just like the lovely sea in that place, just like the wave i used to play with....just like the stars and the moon whatever its shape....the coconut trees, with its shadow caused by the moon and stars on a clear night....the highway clear of vehicles where we walk in a late night....the laughter, the shouting of new friends along the shore...indeed its really great, three weeks seems so much but also seems not enough....in the end, ending up so sad, saying farewells, saying will see each other again, may not be too soon but hoping just near....i love the sea,,, i love the wind, i love the cold, i will miss those place,,,,but we were there because of the spirit of volunteerism...sacrificing as they said, working without pay...but i love that one....if i have just enough then i will end up this life for free service...its so sad, for people in that place didn't able to see the goodness behind our sacrifices...they turned and grasp the money the money that would make them sacrifice for the next three years or the worst of their lifetime....its hard to judge them, and its really not good enough but those people had make us feel how low they are,,,,i pity them...anyways, volunteerism, its hard to pity them,, were not rich, nor even have just money, my family is being piled by debts...and as i come back home...i know they need me not to be a volunteer but a woman who can help them, with food, with expenses.... a woman with pay...i'm afraid its so late, and too late...but i know it would never will be that too late...everything has the chance and everypthing happens with the right time and with purpose...only God knows how i feel when i'm seeing my family....we were happy, but its not enough, i have my dreams...volunteerism, its hardest word but its the best one....volunteerism....i want to be one of the blessed enough....

night before graduation

hi, after a long time, and after five years here i am, ready for the graduation day.....

Did they say i'm boring

they doesn't know me either, to say you are a successful person you can say to your self you are, and that others can also tell you, you are. its like eating an ice cream, the cream is what you are thinking about yourself while the cone is what others is thinking of you, it should go together, for how can you eat an ice cream on a cone without a cone?

maybe what i can do now is that to relate with others, to be more fun about them, and to be more friendly,,,its so easy like that but sometimes, what you really is, is something that sticking in your system, you can't erase. sometimes i'm wishing to be at other place, yet i think wherever i may be, who's me will forever be the who's me, though striving to be more better.

another year

lately i was absent minded, lately i use to mislead things, and lately i am so careless, reckless, and that everything. but still i should have to do the best that i could, for my self, for others and most important to give Glory to my Lord....Everyday seems a struggle to be perfect, to be good for sometimes though how best we try it is still no good...it just a matter i think of trying and trying....and trying.

four days had pass for this year. i started this year of so much fun, of energy and reaching out...
organizing the youth had made me realize that there is a lot of things to do, not for my self but for others who needed guidance, understanding and love....that was our first official Youth day celebration. we gathered funds, though some is just cooperating but it turned out to be successful. We have caroling, fund raising(buy a Number from 1-200 for five pesos and the winner will get 300 pesos - the lucky # for that raffle was 101) and registration of 10 pesos for those who want to join(Not compulsory). all in all, we gather more or less 1, 500 pesos just right for the bihon and bread with juice and prices for the parlor games and machu gay. it's really fun.

the main event for that day was the machu gay wherein five guys had joined whom where convinced till the last minute....everything where provided( the one contestant ramp on stage without a sandal and when ask why he joined he answered to buy slippers). i was one of the judges and everything goes perfect they received a cash not lesser that 25 pesos(can't even pay for a slipper). the guy host for that event was really funny. Dec. 31 morning he wears t-shirt and a short, in the evening i saw him in the neighborhood so drunk, Jan 1 morning i ask him to be the host for the night event, and he wears still the same, noon time the dress was that the same dress. the event supposedly would start at 3:00 but it begins at 5:00, he still have the same dress, i just ask him to take a bath and join us by then. before taking the microphone he ask for a bottle of a hard drink, just to keep him not shy....and on stage the viewer keeps on laughing once he speak....i think i made the right decision.

the event ended at about 10:00 pm, the youth still want a disco, but they decided not to because there is a vigil in the house in front of the stage(someone died at the night before new year, a new neighbor.)

next year i'm hoping it would be of more fun and more cooperation from the youth......

the heart that speak

how could someone be talking with
an angel of face
a Leon when speak
really a smart guy
but sometimes want a scene
not tuning with the sense

when he's angry it made me laugh
and i can't help my self
but to smile
but to say hi
and to friend this guy

He's really a cute guy
and he's nice
i understand the way he is
i understand mine
now i want to cry,
I don't think he would understand...

Nothing special

you could ask many things of God at night when the sky glistend by stars. you could wonder through and swim deeper the secret of your wide sea and get the hidden treasure of the mind as God knowes tall and made the things of the Earth. it was a world as puzzled as maze, but as clear as the Creator made it.

in a thought it was useless. when the memory recalls over it and the mind recieved it in open hole, it was the way the fortune must have been when the day had gone and the night of loneliness had falen on cretures still cannot go on with the things of the past. it was an empty world because no person had yet replaced bricks to build a home or tied the heart to make a bond or picked the pieces of lonesome heart in the shadow of time. but its not a fair world. it held the thought and aches of past and withdrawn not inside the heart.

you were alone when you asked and wondered, no one cared. this is so wherever you are if it is night and the stars glisten in a distance made from the Earth. what you ask has no ready answers but your own, and what you feel is nothing except to yourself. the world is there, and you are here and these are the only pole, the only realities.

you asks, but who answers? you're in pain but who cares. is it someone you know? and do they says would mend this heart or pick the broken pieces? think of this questions, put your hand on your pocket and stare at the night sky and the greetings of its every twinkle. the questions are your questions too.

noise on silence

it had just few moment after dawn
the eyes had just accustomed with the dark
there's light even without moon

i could hear the nightly insects
seemed like competing who would be the noisest
and i could feel the cold breeze on my skin

i talked about my concerns a lot of it
they listened
i knew that i've been so harsh

thanks for the night
they didn't see the tears, falling like rain drops
but God it was hard to breath
i had felt my throught ache so much.

june

june here you are again, for me you're a month of new beginning. in my younger years, your the most exited month and now your still the same, when whould you be not? i wonder. as the years is going on i love your moments more than ever.....now as a student, i hope tomorrow its for love...that would never end....

when i was a child i am excited to meet my old friends after a long vacation, to see my crushes, and to start competing again with clasmates. i am missing those old days. now, i don't have even a vacation, to be away from school as long as five days, or just to stay at home in cold days, for how can it be happened? i'm a quit distance away. i have a work in school, and it means business, for if i am not, i cannot enjoy this new world, full of learnings, experience and fun.

i love this month for it is a month of love, many got married as a matter of fact. i love this month for another good reason, i love this month because i love this month as i love all months past to it and ahead of it...is this making sense? well i most love this month because this is the month right now, as i love each day of it... and next month i will love that month and i want to make that month my most favorite...

oh! how i love this month, more and more each day...

it seems so much different, summer is usually hot but now its raining like of june, weather conditions is really a unexpectable.

enough but again

how would she say he's just nothing where in fact everytime she saw him, her toes shaking as if it is weak enough to stride. where his smile can melt her heart and even just hearing his name would make her feeling alright? is she just making a fool with herself?

In lost Again

It's all began in the crossroad and i felt found, but now i'm lost again, at least I know where to be found, and hoping it would be the end...

Another Year

Another year for change, moving on, past is past and we can't do anything for that, but we have today and today is all we have, tomorrow is another story, a myth for all of us.

I've been busy for the past days(i think so)...first week of class for a new year. Now i can say next year(to end up college) if God would permit me so...but it still a long way journey...and it seems harder everyday...and i love this for it's more challenging, more exciting, much beautiful life...

I will mark this day( as always i'm doing). I will mark this day as a start of a new me (and sometimes I felt so tired of always trying this). I will be a better person( and I will and really will)...

I'm happy if i got home so tired for i know i had made many things, and had step the ladder to my soon success (though sometimes its all a mess, I don't mind), and next time i'll do it more better...Life goes on(as always they are saying, and im tired of hearing this), then i must go on...with all my loneliness(char lang) failures, life is still beautiful( true!).....God bless us all, happy new year for next year....

I had known it, since then, but is my head is just really hard to understand or is i'm just inlove...

When i knew that he have someone, my reaction is just "ah, ok.."
I am wondering why i haven't felt any feeling at all, taking the consideration that i think of him almost everyday from the last time we'd met. I sometimes don't understand what is happining with me. Why i can't feel pain. Maybe because i'm not really in love or i was just become accustomed with feeling hurt since...

I was hurt before and it was great, i love it, and now that i want to feel it again, why now can't....

Sexual Integrity

I choose you before I give you life.(Jer.1:15)

Yesterday we have our sympossium about sexual integrity. I was so enlightened and was so thankful about the moment God had given me.

The truth is painful and sad. Sad to say that we are distractor of our own human race. Personally, I am an advocate of free choice, an advocate of contraception, but its then just the other day, not today and in the coming days. I was awaken by God's word that I had known very long time ago, I hear, I forget, I see, I remember and I do only then I understand. I heard about it, i had seen what is happening, and now I signed up. I, with millions of voices, youth of today and youth of the future and those who are not yet unborn is aiming for responsible parenthood in accordance with God's word. Against abortion, against contraception, against free choice.

You may ask, what then of having life if we cannot do what we want, if we don't have the freedom. I tell you freedom is when we are in God's words, when there's no concience that saying it's wrong, it's bad. We are created in the image of God, and we are all equal in God's eyes. Why then of being ungracious, why then of stealing and contrasting life, where in the first place God only want us to be His co-creator, not as co-distractor of evil?

I want also to pinpoint some related issues like premarital sex, pornography, masturbation, homosexual acts, polygamy among Christians and I think a lot more I can't name. Sexuality is a gift, a sacred gift, that is giving and sharing of love to one another, like a father to his daugther and son, a mother to her children, sister to her brother or a man to a woman. Those relationship mirrors sexuality. Now, centering only to what i mean by sexuality, sacred. I s premarital sex sacred? pornography? etc. ? Is masturbation a sharing of love? It's selfishness, isn't it? Is homosexual acts compliment with God's words? and so with polygamy? Now if you answers no, why then a lot of christian is into those kinds of acts. Why is it that there are about two million life killed everyday because of contraceptions? Obviously also among married couple, haven't you or they think that once they are into sex, its a sacred gift of being a co-creator like just our God? That what a mother would be doing is to implant life, the most beautiful gift into her womb. By using contraception, what you implant is the devil into thy womb. Be awakened, lets stop the generation of holucaust, the greatest history of killings....

"Be careful for what you wish for it might come true"

I had seen him, he congratulate me rather than i should have done that(maybe because i was speechless). He spread his hand to get my hand, and have a hand shake... Maybe things were still are. I was surprised of how i miss him, of how my heart beat faster, and feeling my blood rise and warms my body...It's so nice to see his smile again, which i do, and obviously like so much about him...Its maybe a long time ago and i forgot him in a way, that once he's the one i'm thinking, that i'm really crazy for him...It's not the way thing s are going today, maybe i'm more matured in terms to that. His wish had come true, and he really deserved for it. His one of the nicest guy i'd known.

Someday i'm wishing our roads will cross again, that i can still see those smiles as a friend i used to be...
I wish that i can say congratulations by then for my self, rather than of him doing it for me just like of what he'ddone ...that i would spread my hand and will hold his hand, and on that day i will not put it back anymore(joke)...I still like him....

once is enough

all persons deserved for second chance but sometimes a second chance will break us down. Once a person will break somebodies heart, that somebody will not be anymore the person you think you'd known but a total stranger. wound may heal and scars may disappear but you can't turn back with the time that once you make somebody cry. that's the pain of this life, doing things can only happpened once, tomorrow would be different, more painful is when tomorrow would not come and all you have was yesterday, when you have then still the chance. then i rather not to do things or bound my self with situations that i know and hoping with wisdom, would break my heart, and my soul. i have my choise, then why should i'll let my self be tangled by engaging myself with pleasures that i know i have no win in the end. Life have all th chances and why ask for a second if you can try the best for even with the first time. then i'll not turn my head back just ot have regret, if just today is all i 'll get...

I Remember You But I wonder why

I saw a bird
It sours high
I know I can't catch that bird
And never can I sour the sky.

Then I saw you
So close
But why can't I hold you
Why seems so far?

The bird gone
And so you do
When the bird came back
You never do
I wonder why....

For you

This is a poem for you, my someone whom i have think a thousand times
whose seductive and tantalizing eyes
have stoled my innocent heart.
This is for your sweet smile and tender voice
your smart jokes and hearable stories
that clings my mind untill these days.
this is for all the times when you
keep your worries in your own
when i'm afraid and failed to reach out.
and this is for your understanding and open heart,
that makes our friendship still alive,
putting the consideration that i become a fool
and thus you can't offer more in return,
staying as a man of just and respect
your charming image overflows you.
this is for your love and care,
keeping you my friend forever.
This is a poem for you,
my sweet, handsome someone,
because your always be in my heart 'till the end...

iTS MY day

How could i thank you? you had blessed me so much! I sometimes wonder, wnat had i done to deserve all these? From simple things to complicated one. Through my ups and down, even in my weaknesses and feeling alone. My Lord You never get tired. I felt so wealthy, I felt so loved, I'm blessed! I can't help not to cry when You fed me of cares. I'm afraid my Lord, give me strength, give me faith. I'm afraid of Your love for me, for You had blessed me, for You had enlightened me, for You had chosen me. My Lord just teach me the way, just continue to guide and strengthen me. With YOu nothing to be afraid of, with You I'm secured. I trust in You. Amen...

dream big for dreaming is for free...

i have lots of dreams but what would matter first is to believe in your self that you can achieve those dreams. life is so fun, and you don't have to make things so complecated. just do things at its fullest and i know youll get your price at the end...