I had known it, since then, but is my head is just really hard to understand or is i'm just inlove...

When i knew that he have someone, my reaction is just "ah, ok.."
I am wondering why i haven't felt any feeling at all, taking the consideration that i think of him almost everyday from the last time we'd met. I sometimes don't understand what is happining with me. Why i can't feel pain. Maybe because i'm not really in love or i was just become accustomed with feeling hurt since...

I was hurt before and it was great, i love it, and now that i want to feel it again, why now can't....

Sexual Integrity

I choose you before I give you life.(Jer.1:15)

Yesterday we have our sympossium about sexual integrity. I was so enlightened and was so thankful about the moment God had given me.

The truth is painful and sad. Sad to say that we are distractor of our own human race. Personally, I am an advocate of free choice, an advocate of contraception, but its then just the other day, not today and in the coming days. I was awaken by God's word that I had known very long time ago, I hear, I forget, I see, I remember and I do only then I understand. I heard about it, i had seen what is happening, and now I signed up. I, with millions of voices, youth of today and youth of the future and those who are not yet unborn is aiming for responsible parenthood in accordance with God's word. Against abortion, against contraception, against free choice.

You may ask, what then of having life if we cannot do what we want, if we don't have the freedom. I tell you freedom is when we are in God's words, when there's no concience that saying it's wrong, it's bad. We are created in the image of God, and we are all equal in God's eyes. Why then of being ungracious, why then of stealing and contrasting life, where in the first place God only want us to be His co-creator, not as co-distractor of evil?

I want also to pinpoint some related issues like premarital sex, pornography, masturbation, homosexual acts, polygamy among Christians and I think a lot more I can't name. Sexuality is a gift, a sacred gift, that is giving and sharing of love to one another, like a father to his daugther and son, a mother to her children, sister to her brother or a man to a woman. Those relationship mirrors sexuality. Now, centering only to what i mean by sexuality, sacred. I s premarital sex sacred? pornography? etc. ? Is masturbation a sharing of love? It's selfishness, isn't it? Is homosexual acts compliment with God's words? and so with polygamy? Now if you answers no, why then a lot of christian is into those kinds of acts. Why is it that there are about two million life killed everyday because of contraceptions? Obviously also among married couple, haven't you or they think that once they are into sex, its a sacred gift of being a co-creator like just our God? That what a mother would be doing is to implant life, the most beautiful gift into her womb. By using contraception, what you implant is the devil into thy womb. Be awakened, lets stop the generation of holucaust, the greatest history of killings....

"Be careful for what you wish for it might come true"

I had seen him, he congratulate me rather than i should have done that(maybe because i was speechless). He spread his hand to get my hand, and have a hand shake... Maybe things were still are. I was surprised of how i miss him, of how my heart beat faster, and feeling my blood rise and warms my body...It's so nice to see his smile again, which i do, and obviously like so much about him...Its maybe a long time ago and i forgot him in a way, that once he's the one i'm thinking, that i'm really crazy for him...It's not the way thing s are going today, maybe i'm more matured in terms to that. His wish had come true, and he really deserved for it. His one of the nicest guy i'd known.

Someday i'm wishing our roads will cross again, that i can still see those smiles as a friend i used to be...
I wish that i can say congratulations by then for my self, rather than of him doing it for me just like of what he'ddone ...that i would spread my hand and will hold his hand, and on that day i will not put it back anymore(joke)...I still like him....

once is enough

all persons deserved for second chance but sometimes a second chance will break us down. Once a person will break somebodies heart, that somebody will not be anymore the person you think you'd known but a total stranger. wound may heal and scars may disappear but you can't turn back with the time that once you make somebody cry. that's the pain of this life, doing things can only happpened once, tomorrow would be different, more painful is when tomorrow would not come and all you have was yesterday, when you have then still the chance. then i rather not to do things or bound my self with situations that i know and hoping with wisdom, would break my heart, and my soul. i have my choise, then why should i'll let my self be tangled by engaging myself with pleasures that i know i have no win in the end. Life have all th chances and why ask for a second if you can try the best for even with the first time. then i'll not turn my head back just ot have regret, if just today is all i 'll get...

I Remember You But I wonder why

I saw a bird
It sours high
I know I can't catch that bird
And never can I sour the sky.

Then I saw you
So close
But why can't I hold you
Why seems so far?

The bird gone
And so you do
When the bird came back
You never do
I wonder why....

For you

This is a poem for you, my someone whom i have think a thousand times
whose seductive and tantalizing eyes
have stoled my innocent heart.
This is for your sweet smile and tender voice
your smart jokes and hearable stories
that clings my mind untill these days.
this is for all the times when you
keep your worries in your own
when i'm afraid and failed to reach out.
and this is for your understanding and open heart,
that makes our friendship still alive,
putting the consideration that i become a fool
and thus you can't offer more in return,
staying as a man of just and respect
your charming image overflows you.
this is for your love and care,
keeping you my friend forever.
This is a poem for you,
my sweet, handsome someone,
because your always be in my heart 'till the end...

iTS MY day

How could i thank you? you had blessed me so much! I sometimes wonder, wnat had i done to deserve all these? From simple things to complicated one. Through my ups and down, even in my weaknesses and feeling alone. My Lord You never get tired. I felt so wealthy, I felt so loved, I'm blessed! I can't help not to cry when You fed me of cares. I'm afraid my Lord, give me strength, give me faith. I'm afraid of Your love for me, for You had blessed me, for You had enlightened me, for You had chosen me. My Lord just teach me the way, just continue to guide and strengthen me. With YOu nothing to be afraid of, with You I'm secured. I trust in You. Amen...